My Asian Body Can Handle Alcohol Just Fine – omg LOL jk!

9 Oct


Photo by my maid-of-honor, Adriana.

That’s me during my bachelorette “party” at Miyagi’s in November 2007.

I haven’t written much about that night, or the wedding, or the planning of The Day because… it’s tiring. I still feel tired when I think about all the planning, but I still feel relief that OH MY LORD, IT’S OVER. We didn’t want or have a large wedding (~80 guests) and we planned everything ourselves with the help of some family and friends. And, I think we were running on cocaine to actually accomplish such a feat as making our own wedding invitations.

Today though, my bachelorette party is on topic.

Last night, I watched a Tivo’d episode of Oprah with Dr. Oz explaining that Asians statisically have livers that do not process alcohol well. And, women statistically don’t process it as well as men. So, if you’re an Asian woman, well, alcohol is really not your friend.

Hello, that’s me.

I had never been drunk. I suppose tipsy is as close as I’ve ever been. I can have one glass of wine and feel the need to sleep for the next two days. So, during my bachelorette party, I had two friends with me on Sunset Blvd who were responsible for my drunken safety. I didn’t plan on drinking much because of the aforementioned sleepiness, but they bought me drinks at Miyagi’s, then the waiter did complimentary shots with us, and then I found myself lying down in the booth.

Then I had to pee.
Oh, man did I have to pee.

So I walk to the restroom. Or I try, because by this point, my mind is purposely trying to figure out how to place each foot in front of the other so that I don’t fall over into someone else’s table.

When I finally reach the restroom, which is very tiny with two thin stalls, I sit on the toilet and almost fall asleep before I’m done. I move my hand to the right to reach for some toilet paper and what’s this? Where is the dispenser? I don’t want the stall wall. I don’t want the little (menstrual) trash bin. My mind actually begins to panic and I start thinking, Miyagi’s – what are you thinking having a stall without a dispenser? WHERE THE HELL IS THE TOILET PAPER!?

Reminder: this stall is about as wide as my body.
And the dispenser? It was on the left side of my stall.

That is how sleepy (and drunk) I ended up – it took me way too long to realize the left side of my surroundings. And, as I exit the stall and try to tell Adriana what just happened to me, I can’t stop laughing. I can’t even pull the paper towels out to dry my hands, or finish a simple sentence like, “I thought the toilet paper was on the right side, and it was on the left.” BECAUSE OH MY GOD, ISN’T THAT HILARIOUS?

No. Not really.
But booze, man. Booze makes everything hilarious.

So yes, Dr. Oz.
I completely agree with you and your statistics. And, I haven’t even been tipsy since The Hilarious Toilet Paper Shenanigan of 2007.

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One Response to “My Asian Body Can Handle Alcohol Just Fine – omg LOL jk!”

  1. Tamara October 14, 2008 at 5:42 pm #

    Jeeze, I can’t begin to imagine what a drunken freak show I would be if I was Asian. LOL. I am pretty bad as it is.. A couple jack and cokes and “see ya!” lol… I don;t get tired though. I talk a lot.. like, a LOT and I get waaay hyper. *sigh* it’s great.. where’s my Jack at?

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